It’s been some time since my fingerprints last met a keyboard in effort to explain the mixology of light and theme born from my saturated, yet scattered brain.  To that end, I’d always felt compelled, if not obligated, to explain in full HD the subsequent fruition of photographic imagery.  Aiming to blend harsh social critique of the medium under the guise of faux self-deprecation and holier-than-thou artistry, I was on a mission to re-invent any and every commercial construct using really, really big words.

Naiveté?  Maybe.  Arrogance?  Meh.  Innocence?  Fuck you!  Idealism?  Guilty.

Since I finished my “this was supposed to make my career” project, “Goodwill Fashion” a handful of things transpired that began the process of opening my mind to a newfound artistic and commercial maturity.

1)      72 rejections:  When I came out with the images, I was pretty much the only one celebrating the work, especially after the aforementioned number of rejections from various photo agencies, reminding me that I possessed a “Nobody, no money” status.  Yes, 72.

2)      Who really wants a piece of me?:  I had no idea who would actually want to use my images to sell their products.  This, admittedly, is still a process as a “tweener tog” (photographer whose work isn’t easily defined), but knowing the importance of that discernment has proven vital.  Obvi-duh to most normal people.  Foreign language to most artists.

3)      The Ralph’s rule:  Sometimes it’s funny how long it takes for the basics of survival to light a fire beneath one’s behind.   It’s become high time for photography to put food on the table.  It doesn’t have to be from Whole Foods, but it can’t be from the 99 Cent store, either.

4)      The silly know-it-all in me is non-negotiable: I do, still, enjoy and understand the importance of self-leveling through self-deprecation.  It tempers the Kanye.

Having not been the first time I’ve worked myself to the bone in a self-prescribed, “boon or bust” scenario to launch my dreams into reality, it should not have come as a surprise that nothing happened when the Goodwill Fashion countdown reached zero.

The pleasant surprise was that I could not have asked for a more beneficial result.

This doesn’t taste like Amoxicillin (Remember how good that stuff was?), but it’ll do the trick

Since then, I’ve undergone two lengthy marketing and re-branding hiatuses and another “roll up your sleeve” year of work for little compensation.  I saw a website come and go, projects enlarge, retract and specify in scope.  I formalized a baby company and brought on my longtime collaborator, Jess Jaworski, as a partner, to help create the actual formation of the brand and the vision it would bring to my clients.  The silence was nothing more than a brilliantly intoxicating realism taking hold.  I’d already been launching my dreams into reality in a way that only I could.  Every image I’ve ever shot is built upon the foundation of my own brand of stubborn perseverance.

I never had a leg up, nor would I ever admit to needing one.  We all have to dig the same hole in this world.  Some people are given a bull dozer.  I was given a shovel.  It just means harder work, a lengthier trial-by-fire, and ultimate soul satisfaction throughout the process and upon completion.  In the last two years, despite the continual maturation of my work, my ego and reality had to take its medicine (bitter face w/tongue protruding).

The razor sharp determination born out of that elixir was fate taking a knee and offering it up as that added boost I’d never been afforded.

Vengeance! On…well…nothing

Now I am back and here to speak again.  I’m not angry that I’m 30 and not David LaChapelle.  Rather, I’m liberated that I’m only 30 and own a deep, unique and diverse body of work that will truly be introduced to the world for the first time, and more importantly, the right way – with humility.  I’m no longer going to speak for my work, but rather sell it.  I am not going to conform for commodity but rather identify the commodity I can paint in a unique light.  I’ll continue to aim to break ground conceptually but never under the assumption that the ground I break is anywhere other than within my own aesthetic.  I’ll relentlessly push myself to improve and adapt, but under no circumstances try to be what I am not.

In the past year, I’ve branched out to narrative still life (“The Human Wake” “Civil Assemblage”, darker forms of tableaux (“Manifold MacGuffin”) and cerebral perspectives on fashion through compositional technique and journalistic circumstance (“Zonal Virtuosa” and “Chic Amongst Reality”).  I feel at peace with my portfolio, its accessibility and the direction of the work going forward.

Despite that, I feel more challenged than ever before and, quite frankly, if life has taught me one thing, it’s that challenge brings the very best out of me.   It gives this photographer perfect focus.

2012 is a little more than half way in the books, but it has already been marked as the truest beginning of my mission to create my own establishment and stop whining about the current one.  My focus is on sustaining the means for my ever evolving vision for years to come – to take pictures forever, to be happy.  I’ll always have an opinion and I’ll always have an idea on how best to express it.  The medium will change as will I; however, my time-honored tradition of “Damn the Man!” will be better signified and often personified by my images alone and not my saber-rattling rants or coarsely articulated “blogs”.

Of course, I’ll always be willing, able and motivated to talk about the work, but I believe my imagery already explains, confuses, inspires, and promotes an array of thoughtful conversation and debate in and of itself.

I’m good at saying sorry.  Seriously, ask my girlfriend.

There is no untapped frontier in photography, but that does not lesson the ability to capture, create and mold light in new ways.  This will always be an innate challenge I present to myself.

I apologize if this entry, after nearly two years of silence, is uninspiring.  I freely admit this was (nearly) my utter intention.  Mea culpa and lack of raw-raw aside, the new intent is for brevity and simple truth about my ongoing aesthetic evolution to reign supreme in this blog.  That’s not to say I’m not proud of the words from my past.  I still think some of that stuff is the bee’s knees from a rebellious and idealistic, young artist.  The difference is that I can now look back on the first five years of my journey, the archive of words, and see the seeds of strength – the intestinal fortitude (whether latent or developed), being planted.  The road that now lay ahead to ultimate success and establishment within my field will be as arduous as any I have traveled.  I’ve come equipped to walk this treacherous mile with a flame-thrower of genuine resilience and a pacifier of ever-sculpting, professional prudence.  The curious enthusiast of my work can read about its formation in my past, but the stout believer needn’t look any further than what they see.

Everybody needs a little Kanye to attain success – the absence of self-doubt, an impenetrable force-field of ego.  Well, here is mine:  “Welcome to Graduation.  Good Morning.”  From that, I formally invite “the scene” to watch this unknown artist emerge upon it.